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That Thing, That Thing

Happy New Year! Once again, after the last holiday cookies have been devoured and the confetti swept from the dance floor, we’re handed an opportunity to start anew. To make resolutions and changes and fresh starts with everything from our health to our careers.

Blah, blah, blah.

For some of us in midlife, the transition into a new year merely stokes a small but steady fire that’s burning in our belly year-round. It’s the time of life when we’re faced with the fact that, despite our best efforts, we are indeed getting older and no longer have all the time in the world to scratch items off our bucket list. We know that now—or sometime soon—is the time to go on that trip, take that class, learn that language, play that new instrument, start that company…

Basically, we want to do all the things.

But is that realistic? Are we putting too much pressure on ourselves? How can we make that bucket list more pleasurable and attainable?

I think the answer is to focus on what really matters.

Something I’ve been trying to do lately is home in on the goals and activities that mean the most to me. In the past, I often found myself saying yes to every opportunity that came along and pushing aside the things that were important. Yes, new experiences give our brains a boost and help us age well. But all that activity becomes damaging if it leaves no time for the stuff that feeds your soul.

In high school, I had this amazing creative writing teacher named Ms. Maxwell. One of the assignments she gave us was to flash forward to our imaginary deaths and write our own obituaries. As a 17-year-old, I thought it was a morbid task. But now, looking back with 53 years of attained wisdom, I think it was brilliant. My obituary outlined my life as follows: I’d attended journalism school, went on to write and edit for various publications, had a family, traveled extensively, then became a novelist and playwright. I’ve already checked off much of that list, but the novel and play have yet to be written. And each time I embark on yet another unrelated project, those two items are nagging at me from the back of my mind.

That’s how I know they’re my “things.” They’re the things that I can’t let go, or rather, won’t let me go. The things I truly want to accomplish during my lifetime, what I’d like to lose myself in and be remembered for. The things I’ll regret not doing when I’m on my deathbed.

But for some reason, they’re also the things I'm subconsciously avoiding. “Ah, I’ll get to that later,” I think, as I take that uninspired freelance gig or start reorganizing my closet for the hundredth time. Why do I do this? Probably because I’m scared. Scared that my book will end up in the 99-cents bin or my play will be panned. So instead, I run around doing a million other things, distracting myself from diving into what’s risky and uncertain.

I normally hate New Year’s resolutions, but this year I’m making one. It’s this: Every time a new opportunity or invitation comes my way, I’m going to ask myself if it’s worth the time and energy I could instead be applying to my life's passions. And I'm going to make 2023 about letting go of fear and fully embracing those things that make my heart sing.

What’s your thing? What is it that you really want to do, but keep skating around, for whatever reason? If you had the privilege of looking back at your life at the end of it, what would you want to be certain you had experienced? Figure it out, once and for all.

And then, go after it like nobody’s business.

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Have a More Beautiful Weekend...

LISTEN: Fans of the More Beautiful Podcast already know that my mom is suffering from Alzheimer’s. I’d be lying if I said my sadness for her, as well as my fear of being inflicted someday with this devastating disease, doesn’t keep me up at night (as I’m sure those of you with a family history can relate). In search of strategies to keep the mind sharp well into old age, I sat down with “Cognition Dietician” Barbie Boules, who helps people over 40 maximize their brain health. Alzheimer’s runs in Barbie’s family too, so she’s made it her life’s work to teach folks how to eat, exercise and recharge in order to boost longevity and reduce the risk of age-related dementia.

RECITE: Jennifer Lopez does it every morning. So does Jennifer Aniston, Michelle Obama and Oprah. No, it’s not a yoga routine or an ice bath (although some swear by those too). But it is a vital part of these ladies' confidence-boosting, age-defying morning routine, and it should be a part of yours too.

READ: For anyone interested in cognitive health, Dr. Lisa Moscone’s new book on the female brain is page turner. It offers tips on how to strengthen your mind and memory and prevent neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer's. It's on my bedside table now.

CONSIDER: "I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me." —Tracee Ellis Ross